Movie 43

     Okay I want you people to do something for me. I want everyone to think of every unfunny sex joke you have ever heard in your life. Mix in some unfunny gross out humor, a dash of  unfunny ball jokes, a sprinkling of unfunny pee and poop jokes and then an ounce of unfunny racial humor and then multiply all of that by about seven hundred and what you get is a much more tolerable film then Movie 43, simply one of the most grating films I have ever seen in my life.


    Let's start with the story, or what I assume this movie calls a story. Dennis Quaid is in an office pitching a script to Greg Kinnear. As he does this we go into several different parts of the script which take place as comedic shorts. Real fast (because even thinking about how unfunny these shorts are is giving me a migraine) I'm going to go through the shorts and give you the main joke that each short was built around because all of them pretty much rely on one joke the entire time.
1. The Catch: Hugh Jackman (Wolverine) has Balls on his chin during a blind date with Kate Winslet.
2. Home Schooled: Jeremy Allen White is home Schooled but gets all the good sides of a normal high school life as all the bad ones.
3. The Proposition: Anna Farris wants Chris Pratt (our future Guardian of the Galaxy ladies and gentlemen) to  poop on her and everyone thinks it's normal.
4. Veronica: Kieron Culkin and Emma Stone say sexual things over an intercom
5.  Ibabe: An Ipod that's a naked woman
6. Superhero Speed Dating: Batman and Robin are at a Speed Dating establishment looking for a bomb but get caught up in the act.
7. Middle School Date: A girl is on a date with a boy and gets her first period where everyone freaks out about it
8. Happy Birthday: Johnny Knoxville and Sean William Scott capture a foul mouthed leprechaun played by Gerard Butler.
9. Truth or Dare: Steven Merchant and Hallie Berry play a game of truth or dare that just keeps going.
10. Victory's Glory: A coach tries to communicate to his team that they are black so they will obviously win the basketball game.
11. Beezel: Elizabeth Banks hates Josh Duhamel's animated cat Beezel.

     Okay, now if you read any of those and thought that those were funny then maybe "Movie 43" is for you. But as far I go, this is one of the most horrible experiences I've ever had in a theater. I've always said that there is almost no worse movie then a comedy that is not funny, because a comedy relies on it's humor to drive the plot and keep people interested in the next funny thing that might happen to the characters. But here? Who gives a crap because none of this is funny. The shorts are so unfunny and have such poor comedic timing that I honestly wouldn't have been surprised if a tumble weed would have rolled past after most of them. Worse though is that they keep hammering the joke in. So if you didn't find it funny the first second you heard it, don't worry you only have to sit through the joke for another 5 or 10 minutes. Like in the short "The Proposition". It's meant to be a gross out joke, but it's not funny so you have to sit through the rest of the short while you listen to them tell this unfunny joke over and over and over again. But wait! then they add in a second part of the joke that is also not funny, so now you have two jokes you have to hear over an over and over again. It's grating to say the least and your just sitting there uncomfortable in your chair feeling like Alex from "A Clockwork Orange".
    What hurts about these short even more is that they all have pretty amazing casts that completely degrade and humiliate themselves. From Hugh Jackman strapping balls to his chin (which I'm sure is going to hurt "The Wolverine" movie even more then him dancing at the Oscars) to Chloe Moretz as the girl who gets her period and has a red smear on her by the end of the sketch. And then there's the "Daily Show" correspondents in here. Assif Mandvi is in the Ibabe sketch, John Hodgman in the superhero sketch and they are both horribly wasted with Mandvi having to talk about how they shouldn't have built a fan near the woman's vagina and Hodgmen mugging it up as the Penguin. The only one I feel especially bad for in this film (because I feel bad for everything he does now a days) is Gerard Butler. He really seems to have more talent then he gives himself credit for. He at least seems like a charming guy, he just really needs a better agent because every film he's done for the last 4 years has just been awful, and when this movie has one of his more tolerable roles, that's really sad.
       Since there really is no technical merit to this film (maybe there is, I was just kind of distracted from the sound of my brain boiling from the pain) I just wanted to go over some of the director of this movie. The biggest one and who I assume is the main man in charge, Peter Farrelly. There was a time when putting the word "Farrelly" on your movie meant that it was going to be comedy gold. There were films like "Dumb and Dumber", "Kingpin", "There's Something about Mary". Even one's like "Shallow Hal" or "Osmosis Jones" I really enjoy. But today it's more like your going to get a "meh" film or a horrible film. And that's when both of the brothers are actually together. This is Peter going solo on this film and if the two of them can, at best, crank out a "meh" film then it's not hard to see why this film is so bad with him at the chair. The problem is that after "There's something about Mary" came out film maker after film maker started copying it's style of humor. Instead of growing and evolving that type of humor that they created the Farrellys have settled with just letting it continue unchanged or making it worse by throwing in needless elements of humor. It's made the once edgy Farrellys seem tired and desperate for jokes. But I feel their style of humor has finally reached it's lowest point in Movie 43 and I don't think it's ever going to get any better then unfunny joke after unfunny tired joke.
     I pick on the comedy styling of  Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg alot, rightfully so because I feel they are still two of the most uncreative, unfunny, dumbest writer/directors working in Hollywood today. But watching one of their movies almost feels like a god send after watching "Movie 43". I don't think I will ever see another movie fall so hard on it's face and be so unfunny as this film. If any of the sketches worked, I might have said go check it out, but nothing works in this film. Not the acting, not the humor, not the writing, not the characters, not the directing. NOTHING! It simply sucks every ounce of talent that these actors and directors had and shows none of that talent to the audience. Movie 43 sucks, lets just pray there is no movie 44.



RANDOM THOUGHTS DURING THE MOVIE!
1) WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? 

RANDOM THOUGHTS AFTER THE MOVIE!
1) Why are three people from the upcoming Marvel movies in this T____T